I'm googling quotes from the Pursuit of Happyness...which I swear is one of the most quotable movies I've ever seen. And this little part is so apt I really like it. 'This part of my life... this part right here? This part is called "being stupid." '
So...I've finally seen the (not yet confirmed) list of people going for the literature trip. And I do not have realplayer therefore I cannot watch the video about accomodation. D.A.M.N But it should be fun. And I'm totally ignoring the little devil sitting at my shoulder whispering, 'econs trip is cheaper and liqi and lich are going for it'. I DON'T CARE. Besides, a lot of people from my class are going therefore its a good time for CLASS BONDING. And suanners like AJ and Mao and Aa...(oh no, Aaron is going) and Arun are not going so...I should come out alive. And kicking.
PE today was circuits. Push-ups...jumps...step-ups...sit-ups...i-pull. Wasn't actually as bad as I expected. I've done worse circuits. Circuits that have left my thighs completely worn down. So today's exercise wasn't that bad. Before PE carmen was asking around how many chin-ups people could do. She was asking guys actually, but it kind of moved over to girls after a while. And AJ can do TWO! Carmen can do a quarter. I'm wondering if I can even hang there. Well, I've never really tried before. Maybe one day I should. Go to the infamous muddy's playground when nobody's around and see if I can even jump and reach that pole. Impossible is nothing. Now, which brand's motto is that? Adidas is it? If I can play basketball, I can reach the bar.
I need to start on the Korean War readings.
Played a bit of Risk with Aaron and Arun today before going down with Qing for the bowling stuff. Its evident I will never rule a country any one day because I CANNOT PLAY RISK. Or rather I'll probably spin the globe with one eye closed, press my finger on any certain point and choose to invade that country. I took that from some stand-up comedian laughing at Bush's conquest plans by the way.
My sister bowled okay, I suppose. In her standards, it wasn't that good. But I thought an average of 159 under those stressful circumstances with everybody's eyes on your back was very good. Put me there and I might POSSIBLY be able to hit a hundred. She's the third best bowler in the entire team already. Not good by her standards, excellent by mine. I screamed my throat hoarse. The coach asked me to give the team some advice (being an all so hailed senior) after the competition itself. But their faces kind of told it all: dejection. They gave up. And it didn't seem like saying anything at that point in time would help. Last year, that face was probably mine. But I know what my sister's face had that the others didn't. Hope. And it was something I lacked. And probably still do. She won't give up bowling come JC like me. I just know she won't. Now, she'll probably say she will. But I know she won't. Because that's not where her bowling ends. That's not where she's willing to leave it. She can take it further. And she will. It kind of set me thinking: if I had taken it further...would it have been a better choice? I'll probably be in the RJC bowling team; preparing for A divs in May. Having roll-offs probably. I'm such a liar. I didn't quit bowling because I hated the coach. I didn't quit bowling because I got sick of the sport. I quit bowling because I forgot how it felt like to hope. Its simply my inability to stand up after I've fallen. The immense disappointment last year, having to look through pages and pages of names to find my own. I can't even remember the position, because I willed myself to forget. Then the embarrassment of falling on the lanes itself. A supposedly team one bowler...falling on the lanes. It didn't help that everyone came to ask me if I was alright. It felt inferior. It felt like your body telling you you weren't made for the sport you had devoted four years of your life training. And the fact that the team scored third instead of second, because their scores had to carry mine. Because I was averaging a hundred and forty, manda's two hundred over score had to cover up for the losses I gained. There's no 'I' in 'TEAM'. That's why when one falls, everyone falls with her. I couldn't cry then. Because it would affect the team. But I did cry. Later. At home. Cheryl saw me cry. And I'm bloody proud that she made it further than I ever could reach. I suppose today watching my sister bowl gave me immense satisfaction. And longing. To be there on the lanes bowling again. Perhaps I could shine. Perhaps at JC I could shine. I left the bowling arena as silently as I came. And suddenly it doesn't seem like the best thing to do.
Hoots. Enough emo-ing for one post. Let's move on to happier things. GP remains UNDONE. GP can go screw. I'm not doing it tonight. I'm in a bit too much of an emoing mood to be concerned of such things. Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul
And sings the tune without the words
And never stops at all And sweetest in the Gale is heard
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little Bird
That kept so many warm I've heard it in the chillest land
And on the strangest Sea
Yet, never in Extremity
It asked a crumb of Me. Emily Dickinson Christopher Gardner (in the pursuit of happyness): You got a dream, you gotta protect it. People can't do something themselves, they wanna tell you that you can't do it. You want something? Go get it. Period. | 
